Appraisal and Evaluation

There is a natural tendency at life's mid-point, to engage in a process of appraisal and evaluation.

It's now the first week of November. I've been in this 'new' life-phase for about a month. Whether I like it or not, business life as I once knew it, is now pretty much on hold. There's the stupid old work-ethic side of me that's a little chuffed. Projects for the first half of next year are on hold, yet the saner side of me says, my recovery phase trumps all else. It's the inner voice that finally wins out, and says to take advantage of this sit around, and sigh the half year away. Cash flow rethinks will have to be a New Year's priority. Not now.

Officially, I've retired a couple of times before boomers even started to think about their golden years. Friends express this to me in terms, that I represent a 'maturing' group who believe that retirement should be more of a process, rather than an event. I'm comfortable in that skin, with no intentions of going quietly into that good night.

It seems clear at this juncture, that life breaks out into three areas when you cross the fifty-five year threshhold, or so: a long work career, followed by part time work and a relatively short period of idleness. In my case, the lines often are blurred with purpose, as I go between the first and second columns, in spite of a recent health regroup. God forbid, I get body slammed into the third column.

For those who know and understand me, you should easily grasp the thrust of my feelings. In spite of some lingering anxieties, chasing a victory is still a lot more engaging and exhilarating, than sitting at home staring at the trophy.

Earlier in the year, I planned to revisit the travel sector, which served me well in the past. About now, I was to launch four or five private journeys throughout 2007: Small group, luxury tours with a sense of purpose, for clients who may prefer a slower and more intimate view of the landscape -- be that cultural immersion, soft adventure or of an eco-nature. Not to be, yet. We'll just have to push back those planned Winter and Spring group departures, to the Summer period, and beyond. There'll be ample time before year-end to revisit the entire travel project. But not right now.

The whiplash of suddenly having to slow down seems to have had consequences. For example, I still clearly remember saying to myself, "Who the blazes are you, and what have you done to my good friend, Tony?" In his place, there was now plenty of 'old-man' shuffling around more than should be, rather than a normal quick pace. Intermittent circulation challenges, that started in my right foot after the angiogram in mid-August, branched out to behind both of my knees when least expected. I took more Advil in August and September for low-grade headaches, than ever before. Was this a side-effect of my new prescribed blockers? Dunno. I even had to take a spritz or two of nitroglycerine in the middle of the night. This was also a first, after lugging around an unopened vial of nitro for over eight years. Regular sleep patterns were turned upside-down, which resulted in a sleeping pill prescription for the first time. In a lighter vein, I wasn't aware until quite recently, there were so many well intentioned ministries, kitchen-aid hypsters and scantily clad singles purring from hot tubs -- all wishing to improve my life before sunrise. As a result I zapped more early morning TV news events and infomercials, than was necessary. And found the occasion to rest more in the afternoon, due to these 3AM time-shifts.

By September, each week became a little harder than the last, to rekindle a prior established work ethic of vigour and purpose. I didn't expect this slowdown. My body seemed to be hunkering down on all fronts, adjusting much like Mother Nature must do, preparing her subjects for hibernation.

Looking back over the last half of Summer, I can't believe how fast a quality of life I used to experience, had slipped away -- simply gone, in less than two months!

I thought about the 'evaluation' part of this equation a lot more, after 'angina' once again crept back into my vocabulary. Believe me, angina is a word that can really make any aging boomer in health-denial, reassess their lifestyle.

You soon notice, an unofficial pecking order is quietly in play within 'heart circles' complete with a shifting set of priorities and timelines to be reckoned with. Officially, I was tagged as a future cardiac by-pass candidate to be actioned on somewhere down the line, not yet deemed serious enough to be in a life-threatening state. As we entered into the dog days of summer, I took that differentiation as slightly encouraging, as I waited my turn. I remember quietly thinking over the Labour Day weekend, that hopefully in my case, they had got it right. The much-dreaded recent angiogram confirmed the inevitable: a by-pass operation was the only option left. My operation date was tentatively blocked for sometime in mid-October - still over a month away.

Like it or not, a heart attack, however so mild, can represent a turning point in your life. Up to now, you may have been able to avoid thinking about what your daily personal and work habits meant to your overall health. But from that day forward, you know.

And you know you'll probably have to change the way you do things. You might quietly say to yourself, "so far, you've been lucky, kid." You now have a second chance to do it better. The slate could get wiped clean, for all of the right reasons.

I believe this could be the perfect time to reassess lifestyle habits, and begin to make small meaningful life changes, that can help reduce the risk of another heart set-back down the road.

There's much yet to see and do. So much so in fact, I bet my life on it.